Kestenberg Archive

LS vividly portrays the consequences of some painful experiences growing up with a family that was not attuned to her psychological needs. And how her life had been colored by further deprivation as an hidden child. These experiences were carried forward into future. The nature of early interactions with parents shapes subsequent interpersonal relationships, expectations, assumptions, and needs. LS was born in Brussels in 1938. Her parents, who were still alive at the time of the interview (mother 78-years-old and father 80-years-old), were born in Poland and are describes as dissociated from their feelings and unable to acknowledge the feelings of others. Her brother is also describes as someone who turned off his feelings all together. LS tells us of many instances in which her feelings were not acknowledged, her needs were not met, and the pain she suffered as a result of being rejected by her family. She illustrates how her heartfelt longing for love, support, empathy, closeness, and understanding were brutally dismissed. She states time and time again that all she wanted was to be heard, to tell her story as an hidden child, and to be understood. Even though the family survived LS was forced by them to remains “hidden”. When the Germans occupied Belgium in 1940, as 2-year-old LS was sent, for her own safety, to school where most kids were 4 or 5-years old. She remember being always in a state of fear as a result of being around “big people” (p.16). In 1942, LS and her brother who was a year and a half older were shipped to ; a convent in Uccle located in the Brussels capital region of Belgium. She had a strong feeling of being left because parents were busy doing [more important] adult things (p.71). Overall LS felt abandoned by her parents (p.93) It was a regular orphanage where LS felt nurtured and understood, perhaps the first time in her life. Juliette, a middle age woman worked there. LS described Juliette as very motherly, and very much being “there” for her. Her brother had a completely different experience there; he was beaten up by the boys in his age-group. A year later there were rumors that an ex-employee of the orphanage intends to tell the authorities that they are hiding Jewish children. As a result Juliette brought LS and her brother back home. The very next day, however, her father took her to a convent in Bruges (p.64-5; p.69; p. 78). She lives in the Bronx and works at Bank Leumi. No one, however, knows in the bank that she was a hidden child. She feels that people were not ready to hear her story. Her parents and brother live in California; she occasionally visits them, but more as a duty.